Conservatives Say 'BUILD YOUR OWN HOSPITAL'

BUILD YOUR OWN HOSPITAL

Charlie awoke with a great pain in his chest. He dialed 911 and received the following message.
“The number you have reached is no longer in service. If this is a medical emergency, hopefully you have the skills to take care of it yourself. If not, phone a fiend who is capable of doing so and build your own road to his or her house...”
Charlie heard no more, for the shock of 911 no longer being there at this moment when he really needed it had caused him to drop dead on the spot.

Elsewhere, Susan called her child's pediatrician to arrange his prejunior high physical.
“I'm sorry Mrs. Notsrom,” said the receptionist. “But Dr. Bobs is no longer legally allowed to practice medicine. Not that it matters much for your request anyway, since public schooling has also been done away with.”
Susan Notsrom was so shocked that she couldn't speak.

In the northern part of the country, John Matts called his doctor about refilling his insulin medication.
“I'm sorry Mr. Matts,” his doctor's nurse told him. “But according to the new law you are only allowed to take what medications you are able to make yourself.”
“But I'm a mechanic,” John protested. “I'm not a doctor or a pharmacist. I don't have the faintest idea or first clue how to make my medicine.”
“Then I suggest you set your affairs in order,” said the Nurse, then hug up.
“Because I'm going to die soon,” John finished the unsaid end of the sentence.
Since he only had two more days' worth of medicine, he was dead before the end of the week.

“My friend was just severely beaten,” Joan shouted at the operator.
“Well, if you have the skills to heal her, do so,” said the operator. “Bu we can't send an ambulance because there are no more public roads and we can't even send a chopper because as of last night all even semi public services are completely gone, and there is no one here to treat her anyway since medical treatment by strangers of strangers has now been outlawed.” Then the oporator hung up.
Joan held Mark's hand tight and sobbed uncontrollably has his consciousness faded.

“My wife is going into labor!” Bert shouted into the phone. “Send an ambulance or a chopper, NOW.”
“Sir, calm down said the person on the other end of the phone. “I can't send an ambulance because as of last night there are no more public roads and so you'd have to build your own road, and even if I sent a chopper, this is no longer a public use hospital, there is no longer any such thing as an open to the public hospital. Any medical care of any kind that people need they must give themselves or mooch off of a friend. You must do all of the delivery yourself sir, good luck.” Then the operator hung up.
“Well,” said Bert, mostly to himself. “There are those classes we've been taking.”
But he hadn't planned on doing it all himself, without the hep of any medical professional. Obviously he must do it though, so he began to coach and do what he could of the rest of it. If it had been an easy birth, it might have been all right, but the baby was two weeks late, weighed twelve pounds and was a breach birth, which Bert was not even remotely prepared for. His wife died i labor, and the baby died shortly after being born the umbilical cord wrapped around its neck. Bert was so distraught that moments later he took his own life.

Meanwhile, in Washington D.C., the new Republican majority of Congress were congratulating themselves. “We finally got rid of all public health programs and public roads. Now people are free to live their own lives, free of government interference. Let's tackle schools next.”
All nodded in agreement. “Yes,” one said. “It's time the government got out of education completely too. After all, apart from running the army to defend us and invade other countries, the federal government cannot do anything right and according to the Constitution has no power to even try, so getting it completely out of medicine and totally out of transportation was definitely a good idea.'
“Here, here,” said the others, raised their glasses and drank deeply at finally being able to undo all of the government interference in roads, transportation in general ad medical care for the poor and for senior citizens and then out of the classroom and soon out of everything but he army, and then went to their residences for a comfortable and well deserved full night's sleep.